What's the point?

Our purpose is simple: to delve deep into the animal world and sort the wheat from the chaff, the sprats from the salmon, and the marmosets from the flamingos. We are, in essence, the only website that can answer the following burning questions:

'Which is better, the Tree frog or the African Bull Elephant?'

'I'm considering buying a pet for an elderly relative, would a Sealion be more suitable than a Slender Loris?'

'I think Mynah Birds are excellent, in fact I know they are. Is there an online resource to dispel any myths that may have sprung up regarding their not being excellent?'

and:

'My Girlfriend is allergic to the hair of both the Domestic Cat and indeed the Dog; I wonder if there exists a suitable alternative for the 21st century household?'

And much more besides. Of course, there are people who say that you can't judge animals in terms of quality. They say that it is unfair and distasteful. That all animals are equally excellent. The thing is, (and to paraphrase Mr Orwell) - Some animals are more excellent than others. When we started thinking about doing this site there was no way, online or offline, to compare a Bee with a Stoat to see which would come out better. And now there is.

Better still, you can email us and tell us what you think, and we can all create a happy world of Animal Reviewery fun together.

If you're still not convinced, think about it this way - What else are you going to do at work?

Who are you? Who's in charge of this shindig?

Hello, nice to meet you. We are Theo and Max.

We may be in charge, but as we said, you're very welcome to contribute. It means we have less work to do. If you want to contact us, then you can do so by clicking 'contact' at the top of the page. Hardly brain surgery. If you're wanting to get in touch because you're important and rich, or perhaps off the telly, then Hooray! You get to contact us in exactly the same way.

Who reviews these animals and are they qualified?

That would be us again. Although we have no formal qualifications*, we watch animal documentaries all the time. As if that wasn't enough, in the past year we've been to the zoo 3 times, which is actually quite often if you think about it.

* Max: Bronze lifesavers swimming badge, Theo: Cycling proficiency certificate.

How factual are these reviews?

They consist of no less than 100% fact.

Can I review an animal for the site?

Yes! Especially if you're interesting and funny. Although we tend to drone on a bit, there's really no need for a review to be long either. Just email us.

What should I do if I agree or disagree with an existing Review?

Well don't put a curse on Max. It happened once, quite genuinely, and for reasons he's never quite disclosed, he now keeps on approaching people. So don't do that.

Instead - tell us. Let us have it both barrels. Explain yourself. Give us examples and details of how we've got it wrong. Be interesting and funny. If you're a Vet or Zookeeper, tell us what we've got wrong. If you're a famous person, perhaps Chevy Chase, Steven Spielberg or Fidel Castro - then tell us what your favourite animal is. We'd love to know.

You see, although it's all looking a bit dead at the moment, the plan is to have a page of feedback after every review. You know the kind of thing. Arguments, basically. Then we can add our feedback to your feedback, and it will all go on forever until we break the internet.

Is there anything legal we need to know about?

Not sure if any of this is really necessary, but Animal Reviews - that is: us, our pets, our friends and our friend's pets, accept no responsibility for any errors, factual or otherwise, that may appear on this site. And let's face it, there are going to be a few. Some of the images that adorn the walls here have been culled from the wilds of the internet. We went out with a big net. You know as well as us what the Internet is like - a total nightmare, so we admit that there may be the odd image that has not been properly cleared with the copyright owner. Although we've tried to be good and contact people, we may have missed a couple. If you spot something of yours here that we've used without your permission, sorry. Drop us an email and we will either remove it straight away, or credit you for the picture. Paradoxically, everything else (ie, all text and any other images) contained within this site belongs to us. This includes everything that anyone emails or sends to us (and we do mean everything, including the spit on the stamp). It's all ours. To do what we like with. Which quite possibly will be nothing whatsoever.

We have no idea why any of this might be important, but we've seen variations of it on other websites and it looks very professional.

Gentle reassurance.

If you write to us we promise never to give away your email address to anyone, or to spam you, or anything like that. We are nice people. And if there's a question you want answered that isn't here (like, what colour pants have we got on), you know what to do.