Sonic the Annoying Hedgehog

Format: All of them ever.

What animal do you play? A blue hedgehog who wears trainers. A fox with three tails. A cat who can fly or something. Probably also wearing trainers.

Any good? No. Sonic is perhaps the most irritating game ever made, starring the most irritating character ever created. Fans will argue that the first game in the series was just about bearable, but it’s obvious that the moment Sega started doing the cartoon series, lunchboxes and pencil cases, they had pretty much run out of ideas. This is most obvious when we see the introduction of Sonic's ‘friends’ - a collection of equally mutated woodland vermin such as Tails the three-tailed fox, Knuckles the violent armadillo, and a handful of other animals that Sega thought would provide the requisite ‘nag-factor’. And for the record, Sonic himself is one of the most irritating, conceited, showoff characters ever created. And he's blue, and he wears trainers, which hedgehogs just don’t do.

Anything else? You can play it online here, if you must.

Score: 2/10

Lemmings

Format: Amiga, Atari ST.

What animals are in it? Lemmings.

Any good? Lemmings was a massive success when it was first released, but playing it now may leave you wondering what all the fuss was about. More of a puzzle game than a proper animal game, it still warrants mention here for the inclusion of a nuke button that kills all your precious lemmings in one go. The terrified cries of “Oh No!” that preceded their mass suicide was often so tempting that any progress made on a level would be abandoned completely in order to sit back and enjoy watching them explode. In retrospect, Lemmings could be seen as a subversive call to arms. It’s definitely more dangerous than Microsoft Flight Simulator as far as training international terrorists goes. Perhaps the police should start directing their shoot to kill policies towards small green haired rodents, rather than targeting normal people on their way to work who just happen to ‘look a bit foreign’, but we digress.

Anything else? Extremists can play it online here.

Score: 6/10

Snake

Format: Nokia mobile Phones.

What animal do you play? Snake. Species unknown.

Any good? Utterly compulsive. On a par with Tetris in terms of addictiveness, and the perfect game for extended toilet breaks at your employer’s expense.

Anything else? You can play it online here. Or on your mobile phone, which you’ll find in your pocket.

Score: 9/10

Apidya

Format: Amiga.

What animal do you play? A lovely laser firing bumblebee.

Any good? Yes. This obscure yet fondly remembered game is a bit like Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, only with more death, more projectiles and less Rick Moranis. Possibly the only game in the world featuring a mole as the end of level boss, if you drop Apidya into conversation down at your local, you’ll be the envy of everyone in the room. Which they’ll acknowledge by mocking you mercilessly.

Score: 8/10

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