Animals are so intrinsically fantastic, that sometimes you'd be entirely forgiven for wanting to spend your entire day reading about them on the internet. Except you can't, because your boss (the man or woman who decides what time you get out of bed every morning), needs you to finish that report - or some other such triviality.

Well friends, Animal Reviews is here to the rescue.

Before we start:

Bear in mind that reading this guide whilst at work is practically an admission of guilt in itself. We therefore suggest that you hastily print off a copy and disappear to the toilet with it.

Step 1: Mental Preparation

To successfully spend your time at work sidestepping the more boring aspects of your job (i.e. all of it), you have to first get into the correct frame of mind. The importance of this cannot be emphasized enough.

Imagine that you are a squirrel. A squirrel who naturally desires to feast upon the delicious buffet of birdseed (the internet) that a keen birdwatcher (your boss) has put into their garden (your office). The birdwatcher, who always carries a gun (threat of disciplinary action) is always alert, and hates squirrels stealing food. Your objective therefore is to eat as inconspicuously as possible.

Not like this.

Never forget: you are the quarry. You must be alert at all times. Do not drop your guard, and be ready at any time to flee the bird table. Do not get caught. If the birdwatcher suspects you've been on the bird table for any longer than is strictly necessary, you'll either find yourself under surveillance, or looking down the barrel of a rifle.

Step 2: Basic Tactics

The following tried and tested tips are designed to give you the edge over the birdwatcher. They combine common sense and basic technical know-how.

i) Desktop Feng Shui: Look at this deluded fellow:

Wrong.

With his browser window maximised, the world and his dog walking past can see what he's up to. Better to go for a smaller viewing area, as in the following example, positioned so that his body blocks the line of sight of any nosey parkers. Maximised in the background? Something complicated in Excel.

Right!

ii) The Quick Flick:

Knowing your keyboard shortcuts will get you out of trouble, simple as that. In fastest finger first order of deployment speed, here are the most useful ones.

Alt+Tab (PC) / Apple+Tab (Mac)
The classic window swap slight of hand. Try it now.
Usefulness: 5/5
Limitations: Know what you're going to switch to before deployment.

Alt+F4 (PC) / Apple+Q (Mac)
More of a finger stretch, but still worth knowing, this command exits whatever you're doing.
Usefulness: 4/5
Limitations: A touch over the top for normal situations.

Alt+Home (PC)
Again a stretch, but again worth knowing. This combo takes you directly to your home page - usually the intranet catering menu.
Usefulness: 2/5
Limitations: Not without merit, but there are better alternatives.

Windows+M (PC) / Option+Command+W (I think) (Mac)
This command minimises everything to the taskbar. Bang. Gone. Desktop wallpaper. It's brash and severe, and rather like when your screensaver suddenly takes over the screen - it's blatantly obvious that you've been caught slacking. Avoid at all costs.
Usefulness: 1/5
Limitations: Too unsubtle to be of any practical use in a skiving situation.

And so we reach the end of basic tactics. Don't forget to clear your history and delete those temporary internet files on the way out.

When the birdwatcher is away,
the squirrels may feast.

Advanced/Emergency Strategies