Step 3: Advanced/Emergency Strategies

i) The Copy and Paste trick: AKA The Smash and Grab:

By quickly copying and pasting the contents of several text heavy internet pages into word, notepad or outlook, you can effectively browse through it all for the rest of the afternoon in peace. A big advantage of this trick is that by pasting straight into a program like notepad, all incriminating evidence vanishes. That means: no surprise popups, no flashing banners and no real need to have your browser open at all. On the downside, it also removes all the images, which can dilute the pleasure somewhat.

This trick is most effectively deployed at lunchtime. If you 'stock up' on content whilst the birdwatcher is off getting his Crayfish and Hep-A on rye, the entire afternoon can be dedicated towards a number of unsanctioned activities, such as learning about trepanning, reading a fascinating world tour, or learning the basics of Japanese.

The Smash and Grab technique in motion.

Effectiveness rating: 5/5. Detection level is very low on this one. The Connoisseur's choice.
Limitations: Requires pre-preparation, lacks spontaneity

ii) The Panic Button:

If you're suddenly aware of the birdwatcher approaching your desk, and the threat of capture seems assured, your best bet is to hit the reset button on your computer and loudly inform the entire office that your computer has just died. Not only can you then claim in exasperated desperation that you've just lost three hours work, but by the time your computer has rebooted, you'll have had ample opportunity to regain your composure, and perhaps got a cup of tea.

fig.1

For best results, feign annoyance with your computer's general sluggish behaviour at least twice following the event. If challenged to elaborate further, claim simply that 'it just keeps on going weird'.

Effectiveness rating: 5/5.
Limitations: Drastic

iii) The Dirty Rat:

In the event of detection, you may find yourself needing to earn some extra points with the birdwatcher. Naturally, the way to do this is not by offering to work late. The accidental loosening of something as simple as the mouse plug from the birdwatcher's computer will often suffice, and your keenness to help them fix it will guarantee your forgiveness.

Effectiveness rating: 2/5.
Limitations: You risk doubling the trouble you're already in by attempting to carry this one out. Possibly best not to push it.

And that's it. A few more general office etiquette tips can be found here, but if you've got any more covert slacking tips that we don't know about, or perhaps a funny story about squirrels, please let us know and we'll add it. Be careful out there.

Your tips and feedback...