Week 2 - Chiang Mai.
06/10/04

We took a 2 day trek into the jungle. At the risk of repeating myself, I was convinced before we set off that I was going to see loads of animals being animals in the jungle, and it was going to be great. The night before we left I was even singing the Guns and Roses classic 'Welcome to the Jungle' in the shower. As it turned out, I didn't see any animals in the jungle at all. Or rather, I didn't see anything decent.

Our experience began with an awkward jeep ride in which we attempted to talk to the other people who had booked the same trip as us. Our co-adventurers. It took me all of 5 minutes to realise that they were insufferable fools with no interest in getting bitten by snakes, and so I decided to focus instead on the best ways of attracting monkeys to bite them as they slept.

Of all the jungle we went to,
this bit was my favourite.

An hour later we arrived at base camp, and as a rude awakening to jungle life I was handed my backpack. It could not have been any more uncomfortable if it had been fashioned from barbed wire and teargas, and within an hour of walking through the undergrowth, I'd lost all feeling in my arms. I didn't complain though, because I was too hot to speak. An hour after that, an exasperated member of the group started going all red and dying. She told us all that she had been mis-sold her trek. She thought she had paid for a 2 hour jungle stroll instead of a 2 day uphill onslaught. In true 'Lord of the Flies' fashion, a couple of would-be companions told her to be strong and walk at her own pace, whilst the rest of us all laughed and threw rocks at her. Our 'Authentic Hilltribesman Guide™' was clearly a bit concerned, as he knocked up a few walking sticks from bamboo canes. 'Did YOU take a walking stick?' I hear you ask. Well yes, of course. I'm a scientist, not Tarzan.

This was my second favourite bit of jungle.

That said, with my newly upgraded walking apparatus, I began to bound through stream and thicket like some kind of jungle master. It's amazing how useful walking sticks really are, and for a good ten minutes I was pathfinding like a pro. I was swiftly brought back down to earth when I took a wrong turn somewhere and disturbed something important to hornets, who decided to buzz me. They were big. I recalled reading somewhere that a hornet sting was akin to having a white hot rivet being driven into your skin, so decided the best course of action was to run away shrieking like a pansy.

The real one was bigger than this one.

More Jungle...