Duck

Notable Variations: See below.
Habitat: Wherever there is joy.

Ducks are the greatest birds in the world.

Personality:

Personality wise, the duck is unsurpassed. They do their best to get along with absolutely everyone, and always swim over to say hello. They even get on with swans, who are well known for their mood swings and prima donna behaviour.

Ducks 'Quack'. What a lovely word that is.

Comedy Movement:

Perhaps their greatest achievement however is the hilarious way in which they move around. On land, ducks stagger and lurch like a drunk with a gammy leg. Flying is little better - they look likely to crash land at any given moment. Watching them swim is fascinating. Ducks never seem to actually go anywhere at all, preferring to spend their time instead pretending to be mini hovercrafts. They turn in 360 degree circles all the time. Why? Just because they can. Fantastic.

A lesser creature would be penalised for such clundon oafishness. With ducks, it just makes them even more loveable.

These two are perfectly happy,
thankyou very much.

Location, Location, Location:

Ducks are everywhere. This means that everyone, rich or poor, gets to enjoy them. Even better - ducks look totally different when you go on holiday. The variation in down colour and style is simply mind boggling, and very rarely fails to impress.

Wherever you decide to go on holiday, there's still another type of duck you can look forward to meeting when you get there.

The Khaki Campbell.

Therapeutic:

Ducks are always there for you, man. When you get dumped and sacked, where do you head to for a little deep reflection?

You go to the park and sit by the pond. You go and talk to the ducks, who replenish you with their combination of quacking and gentle rotation.

Conclusion:

Ducks are quite simply fantastic, and there's very little more to be said on the matter.

To sum up:

+ So friendly!
+ Waterfowl
+ Fantastic quacking sound
+ Genuinely handsome animals, available in a variety of interesting colours and shapes
+ Terraquaticus volucris: Can take off (badly) from water or land
+ Easy differentiation between males and females
+ Swimming style is amusing and ingenious
+ Inspiration for one of the greatest songs ever (by Lemon jelly)
+ Quick dry feathers
+ Adorable young
+ Delicious

- There are no negative aspects of the duck.

Celebrity Owners:

Rutger Hauer.

Overall Duck Score: 9.2/10

The perfect symbiosis of design, personality and quacking.

Dear Theo and Max

Ducks are indeed boss birds and are also one of the fastest feathered friends of the air reaching approx 50 mph. Throw an object (e.g. potato) across your garden as hard as you can and the duck will beat it to the compost heap hands down. Amazing!

Such great varieties and skills too - Ruddy ducks have blue beaks, Eider ducks weave duvets from their own feathers, and Shelducks collect shells in wicker baskets along the Southwold shoreline.

Have to disagree about there being no negative aspects to the duck though - one species lets them all down - Mandarin ducks. They're the annoying luvvies/J-Lo s of the duck world and demand backstage paddling pools of champagne and their own pet otters, which they carry around in Hermes handbags. Don't succumb to their demands - it's blatant fraud! Underneath the stupid outfit is actually an insecure moorhen needing a slap and a spell in the Priory.

Annoying.

By the way, nice one on being mentioned in the Guardian - so fancy and famous!

Cheers,
Emma