The Urban Fox vs The Countryside Fox

Guest Reviewer: Riki Swarbrick

The Urban Fox:

I really really really really really hate Urban Foxes. Let me explain:

I lie awake every night to the howling squealing and yapping of these metropolitan scavengers, then I wake up to the bitter sweet smell of their pee. Foxes are to the ears and nostrils like vinegar to the eyes.

It is not entirely the fault of these rabid rascals that I suffer sleepless nights, a proportion of the blame lies at the feet of the loony lady next door (we call her Old Mother Hubbord). Every evening she leaves food out for the cute little beggars and without fail the same Five foxes turn up at around midnight (We call it The Feeding of The Five Foxes). She even has names for them:

  • Gammy Leg
  • Hard Of Hearing Harry
  • Growler
  • David Blunkett
  • Samantha

My message to you Old Mother Hubbord is this:

Having read Animal Reviews I have been inspired to start a gang of Urban Fox Hunters. We will ride around on BMX's and hunt with poodles and wear pictures of your crazy face on our T-Shirts so that your image will strike fear into the heart of every disease ridden Fox in London. Ha. We will not actually kill the Foxes, we will just laugh and point and call them names and maybe dress them in silly clothes.

Apparently there is a higher proportion of Foxes in London than in the countryside so I suppose they must be commended for their ability to adapt and survive in a cosmopolitan environment. For this reason coupled with the fact that they are quite cute and amusing I will give them a better score than my obvious hatred should allow.

Urban Fox Final Tally: 4/10.

The Countryside Fox:

Variations: Ones that get away. Ones that don't.

The countryside fox is without doubt a hero and a legend. Just as cute as it's civic counterpart it has a level of dignity respect and charm that the city scrawler can only dream of... and it has never peed on my doorstep.

I would like to commend the country Fox for being cheeky, antagonistic and cunning. Despite having never actually been to the countryside I have seen Disney films such as The Fox and The Hound and Robin Hood.

Urban Fox Final Tally: 7/10.

 

  

 

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