Goose

Notable Variations: Canada.
Habitat: Parks, nature reserves, on the table at Christmas.

So close to greatness, yet so very far away. Geese are superficially similar to ducks - they live in the same habitat, eat the same bread and have the same shaped heads. It's only when we look in more detail that we see the truth - geese have taken the duck template and made every single facet of it more boring. Nice one geese.

Shape and Gait:

We all know that the duck is a delightfully squat and pudgy little beast, and is all the more loveable for it. Now consider the goose. As the neck and legs have elongated, what was once a charming waddle has become an unsightly lurch. What was once a jaunty paddle has become an insipid drift. Similarly, the vibrant feather patterns of the duck has given way to bland uniform colouration. The most exciting geese to look at are canada geese, who are black and grey. Even geese legs are grey. What happened?

Canada Geese. This is as exciting as geese get.

Vocab:

The majestic 'Quack' of the duck has not been well translated by the goose. 'Honk' is an uncouth claxon of a noise, and although better than the frankly hideous 'Hiss' of the swan, still remains in the lower echelons of animal noises.

Personality:

Saying that geese are more friendly than swans isn't really good enough. They are of course, but blatant aggression replaced with utter indifference is not really much of an improvement. In some ways it's actually worse. Especially put side by side with the devil-may-care exuberancy of the duck.

Below par.

Conclusion:

All in all, the goose has little to be proud of. Is it unfair to chastise them for not being enough like ducks? Not really. Puffins manage to take the penguin template and run with it in new and exciting directions. This has not happened here. Geese could have had it all, but took a step backwards instead of forwards - away from comedy, and towards mundanity.

Geese - the apathetic man's duck.

Overall Goose Score: 4.9/10

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