Guinea Pig

Guest Reviewer: Donna Cottam

Notable Variations: Long haired, Short Haired, Marked, Abyssinian, other foreign stuff.

Habitat: Indoors (cage/hutch, behind sofa, snuggled up on owner), or Outdoors (usually in rabbit hutch).

With a little time and care, the guinea pig is undoubtedly the best of domestic pigs. Small, cute, cuddly and with a huge capacity for affection. Can also be kept with other guinea pigs very happily. Piggies will provide endless hours of fun and amusement playing crazy games around their home and are great value for money as they are cheap as chips. Toys can be made from old loo rolls and food can be mixed with various salads and fruits you happen to have lying in fridge uneaten!

What the above diagram fails to explain is that like
Neopolitan ice cream, this animal is chocolate flavour at
the back, vanilla in the middle and some kind of orange sorbet at the front.

Piggies will also speak to you in the most adorable of voices - little squeaks and burbles - and you will soon understand piggie-talk!

Toilet habits are usually restricted to their cage but rest assured, poo is quite solid and unsticky so easy to pick off oneself when they poo all over you/house, and throw back into cage. Wee is very warm and not particularly pleasant to wear so a little caution is advised but piggie-wriggling does tend to precede the action itself.

Once a relationship is established, piggie will be more than happy to cuddle up to you while you watch TV - none of this lousy exercising lark! Just lie on sofa and chill out while those mad dog owners walk past in all kinds of weather! De-stress whilst stroking piggie's fur - generally soft and silky and stroking is proven to lower blood pressure and anxiety. Enjoy a day in the sun by putting piggie's cage outside near your sun lounger and chat away...

Small enough to not take up much room or make much mess AND with the added bonus of being a rodent (although a really cute one) and therefore keeping most mother-in-laws from home visiting!!! A plus in itself if you have a mother-in-law like mine, who even the kids call Nanny Witch.

Word of warning, piggies can breed from 4 weeks so be careful how many piggie-friends it has and what sex they are!!!!!

They may look a little thick,
but these sure are loveable animals.

Good Pet/Bad Pet:

Excellent. They are funny, snugly, talkative and make you feel loved all in one go.

Celebrity Owner:

They should all have one.

Nothing like getting out of the public eye & relaxing with your piggie.

Verdict:

Best Pet!

+ Comes in a variety of shades and styles
+ Use for old toilet rolls
+ Cuddly & snuggly
+ Mother-in-law deterrent
+ Can put it back when you've had enough

+/- Need to clean cage regularly but much smaller poo than usual domestic pets

Overall Guinea Pig Score: 9/10

Thanks Donna,

Your review of one of the Guinea pig is absolutely spot on. 'Piggies' are certainly amongst the royalty of the rodent world, and clearly up there with squirrels as far as excellence goes (as opposed to sitting down in the dregs of rodentia with Chinchillas, who must rank as one of the more pointless animals on the planet). The guinea pig is an animal with genuine personality, and is exactly the type of critter you'd want to go on a camping holiday to the Norfolk Broads with, were you the type of person to take camping holidays with small chirruping mammals.

And perhaps it is their chirrup that says so much about them. It is a vocalisation of happiness that makes you, the owner, as happy as they seem to be in your company. Guinea pigs give back to you all the conversation you could ever want. The inimitable warble that says "yes please do keep on chain feeding me celery" makes the guinea pig the perfect companion.

But there is one important failing of the GP that affects their score somewhat. Actually thinking about it there are two. The first is the issue of rosettes. For the less knowledgeable, there are basically 3 types of guinea pig. Longhairs have a vast mane of hair that flows around their bodies, making them look not unlike Dougal from the Magic Roundabout. These hippy animals most likely live high up in the Peruvian mountains in communes, smoking the devils' wort and denouncing capitalism whilst enjoying full protection from the ravages of cold. Their cousins the shorthairs are the guinea pigs most commonly spotted in hutches, pet shops and garden centres around the Andes, and are eaten to this day by the locals. The shorter the hair, the easier they are to skin.

There is, however, a third type of guinea pig, the rosette, who is spotted only intermittently. A show pig by trade, the rosetted guinea pig is only ever seen at those types of pet show where people wander around with T-shirts emblazoned with "I Love Guinea Pigs" and so forth. These rosetted monstrosities are, quite frankly, an embarrassment to all other guinea pigs worldwide. Their hair looks wrong, quite frankly, and there's a distinct smell of inbreeding on their collective breath. In practical terms too, the hair style of the rosette has been designed in such a way as to encourage bald spots in some areas and still get in their eyes.

Rosettes - you're really letting the side down.

The only other dodgy thing about guinea pigs is that they happily share their hutches with Rabbits. This suicidal behaviour may seem like a reflection of their generally delightful nature, but dare we suggest it also shows a fundamental lack of judgement.

Either way, great review. The score stands!

Thanks again,
Theo and Max