Pygmy Marmoset

Guest Reviewer: Toby Foot

The smallest and therefore most excellent Monkey in the world!

Habitat: The Amazon, Victoria Crystal Gardens, Canada (Well worth an excellent animal pilgrimage!)

When I discovered this monkey it was a dream come true! For years I had been wondering if the world of genetic engineering could produce an animal with the excellent skills and personality of the Capuchin in a handy pocket size. Imagine my joy when I discovered that nature had already created such a fantastic beast, and also by some impossible miracle had actually improved upon the skills and personality of the inspiration for the whole project!

These cheeky chappies are highly sociable and playful little critters. I spent hours watching them help each other peel satsumas and hand out some grapes, only to snatch said fruit item from their friends before they could take a bite! The Pygmy marmoset’s natural comedy talent is simply breath taking; I have seen these amazing animals setting up candid camera style high jinx and doing “Little Britain” sketches years before these programmes were created! They are clearly the masterminds behind all the great comedians.

Want that one.

I know what you’re thinking: The term “Pocket Size” is bandied around a lot these days, and there are few people (particularly dictionary manufacturers) who take the term to its grass roots. Well not the pygmy marmoset, no, these guys truly know the definition and will happily inhabit any pocket, from the old fashioned handkerchief pocket to the modern low slung combat trouser pocket.

Now that’s pocket sized!

So far, so excellent, your little marmoset fits handily in your pocket for excellent portability. He can entertain you with his formidable comedy skills, but what a waste all this would be if he then went a turned your house into a stinky hole like the so called "man’s best friend". Well luckily this isn’t so, as the Pygmy Marmoset likes nothing more than eating fresh insects, particularly spiders, so he’ll keep you house bug free and entertain the whole family!

In my long and extensive research of this hero of animals I have tried to find at least one less than redeeming feature but so far, I have found them to be most excellent!

Good Pet/Bad Pet:

I think it goes without saying that the Pygmy Marmoset would make an extremely amazing pet!

Celebrity Owners:

• Dom Joly
• Harry Hill
• John Cleese

Verdict:

Overall Pygmy Marmoset score: 9.6/10

Animal Reviews Independent Moderation Panel:

A very good review of animal that as you correctly point out, is very very excellent.

Although we agree with everything you've said, 9.6 is a high score. We shall now set down a few additional points regarding marmosets that may confirm or indeed cast doubt upon your score. Let's see what happens.

• Marmosets have claws instead of nails. This is actually quite unusual in monkeys, so it's nice to see marmosets going the extra mile to stand out from other simians. Why just be tiny when you can be tiny and have claws instead of fingernails?
• Marmoset hairstyles are unsurpassed in the animal kingdom. Tamarinds are a close second, but marmosets may just have the edge. See here, here and here for further proof. And here.
• Pygmy marmosets look a bit like Terrahawks. This is a good thing.

Just look at this picture. This is why animals
are so utterly fantastic.

Well after that, it would appear that the Pygmy Marmoset is indeed well worth 9.6/10.

This is a groundbreaking moment, as it means that our previous record holder, the capuchin, has been relegated to second place in the hall of animal excellence. If it's any consolation to capuchin lovers, they're both monkeys.

And a capuchin would win in a fight.