Swans

After rabbits, swans are the most vicious and unfriendly animals that people actually seem to tolerate. It pains us to say this, but it's actually quite easy to see why.

What a nasty piece of work.

Firstly, swans are elegant and handsome. This is true. Swans have lovely necks and a pelt of high quality plumage.

Secondly, the swan has a long standing historical association with the Royal Family of England. For our readers overseas, a little more background information can be found here, but it basically boils down to the fact that in England, all wild swans are considered property of the queen. Killing one invariably leads to a public flogging. The problem is that this centuries old special relationship has deeply affected the psychological makeup of the swan. A kind of evolutionary 'only child syndrome'.

The problem is that in knowing they're held in high regard by the aristocracy, they've believed their own hype. In terms of behaviour, swans display a combination of snobbery and arrogance which is highly unattractive. You can see examples of this all the time as they glide across rivers and lakes, stopping only to peck a moorhen or casually launch an unprovoked attack on a family of great crested grebes. In fact, next time you're at the park, notice how other birds react to the approach of a swan.

"Swans coming, everyone look busy"

And if you happen to have a child with you, be very careful indeed.

There's obviously a lesson here that swans need to learn. Don't assume that just because you're good looking and privileged, you can behave like an arrogant despot. We will notice, and mark you down accordingly.

Overall Swan Score: 3.2/10

-